i love pepperoni pizza now May 9, 2009
Posted by skcity in the boy.add a comment
i hate to admit i would totally sleep with aiden right now. *sigh* i miss the utter comfort of having another person go to bed with you and love you and snuggle you. except i know he doesn’t love me anymore.
i ate pepperoni pizza on the drive home it was delicious.
i am alone an single. that’s probably okay. i just miss aiden. probably just tonight. probably because nick is no longer an option.
the last 48 hours have been crazy May 8, 2009
Posted by skcity in friends, life, party, the men.add a comment
so wednesday night was my last final. i drank four beers at home with b. skipped dinner. she gave me a ride downtown. met up with my friends. learned to hate nick with a passion. decided he isn’t good enough for me. met up with my fellow grad students. bitched about nick. met up with this new boy named ryan that i totally want to sleep with. i kissed a stranger at a bar a minute after i started talking to him. i flirted with ryan. i danced with him. i got hit on by guys on the dance floor. ryan asked for my number. i kissed him on the cheek. got a ride home from a friend.
the next day i went to school and wrapped up some paperwork. it was officially all done.
last night i ate quesadillas and drank beer with b and her boy of the week that is actually a relatively nice guy. yukon came and ate quesadillas with us. then he drove us downtown to go to amateur strip night at a fantastic gay club we like. we walked to meet up with an old friend of ours. someone i had dated for a short time and made out with in high school and who is still very attractive. he was with a girl but i found out very quickly that they aren’t together.
the night ended with me kissing my old friend, kissing the girl he was with, and kissing yukon. a random acquaintance of yukon joined us on our walk home. yukon kissed him. then the acquaintance kissed me. i bit his lip but he didn’t even notice.
kissing my old friend was very nice. something i would happily do again. it was nice to kiss a girl. she kissed very softly. i had told yukon before we went to the gay club that i wanted to kiss a girl that night.
i’ve gotten hammered the last two nights but haven’t gotten to the sick omg this is miserable point of drunkness. i’ve stayed right at the i am totally intoxicated but i love it level. i’m going downtown again. i want to drink but i don’t have a designated driver to watch over me so i’d better keep it in check. the last two nights have seen me feeling and looking sexy and kissing very desirable people. i gave ryan my number. sounds like we’re going to hook up sometime. this has been an excellent way for me to forget that nick is a weak asshole.
overall it was a good time May 7, 2009
Posted by skcity in uncategorized.add a comment
hm. major disappointment. that is all. when i read this in five years i will have no idea what i’m referring to i hope.
just a little disappointment and some random triumphs.
i am so close to being done with this semester it isn’t even funny.
everything is fine May 3, 2009
Posted by skcity in life, the man, the men, the program.add a comment
i am confused and hurt. i am scared and nervous. i am serious and impatient.
i want to exile nick from my thoughts. i keep thinking about what we shared. i keep thinking about the hot little body his ex has and my excess of soft curves. she’s short and kind of mongrel looking in not the sexy jessica alba way. she seems strange. i’ve run into her several times while i’ve been studying at the law college. we make eye contact. i don’t think she knows who i am. i know who she is. in january they went to a wedding together. she was his date.
then i began to panic and wonder if he would bring a date to cage’s wedding. in which case my secret desire for us to fall into bed at the end of the night would be rather misguided and if it did happen quite unfortunate for his date. would he bring her? it’s a month away. has he asked her? should i find a date?
i’m scared and feel like crying because i know i can ace all of these finals but i don’t think i can ace five of them in three days. it’s too much. it scares me. i’m terrified that my seven straight hours of studying today was for nothing. that it was like sand through a sieve.
i know i am stressed and i know i can’t make emotional decisions right now. if i can’t make emotionally educated decisions then how am i supposed to do on my exams? i understand that they could be study partners or friends even but i still think about if he would compare her to me.
strange that he said hello to me but didn’t stop to talk. it didn’t bother me until i saw them talking.
i’m a little worried i won’t come back to myself by next weekend. i want to be a normal sane person and i want to go on a date with nick.
state of affairs May 3, 2009
Posted by skcity in the man, the program.add a comment
my resolve is crumbling and even ritalin can’t seem to help.
my mind is filled with doubt. today was a bad day to see nick studying with his ex while she was wearing his sweatshirt.
o m g May 1, 2009
Posted by skcity in uncategorized.add a comment
it’s the end!
i just have five finals to go. i can’t believe how productive and focused i’ve been this week. ritalin twice a day has enabled me to function and still get a full night of sleep. it’s been kind of amazing. i can just do things. i don’t think about them endlessly struggling to initiate any action.
i was officially diagnosed by a psychologist with attention deficit disorder on thursday.
i crossed a dozen major things off of my to do list. i don’t think i’ve ever done that. today i crossed off all six things i had to do before noon.
this weekend is all about sleeping, resting, and studying. i’ll do some laundry. i’m trying to have a balanced diet even though my one part of my mind keeps crying out about the calories. i can’t worry about my weight now. i’m over that. i am stronger than that.
i’ve been taking a multivitamin and drinking lots of water. i’ll get plenty of sleep and eat protein the morning before my finals. i want to get an A on every test. i believe it’s possible.
i haven’t decided if i’m going to let the faculty know i have an attention deficit.
