Perfectly Flawed

i am hungover.  again.  you’d think i would stop doing this.

nick kept his distance last night.

i hotboxed with strangers.

nick kept his distance last night except for when i went into the basement and into the room with the keg.  eye contact and smiles all around between the two of us.  then his roommates, the girl roommates, the crazy roommates, started kicking people out.

so i left without saying goodbye.  nick texted me after i’d gotten home and was in bed.  took him long enough to realize i was gone.

i made a mistake last night.  i told mill nick and i slept together.  i’m ashamed that i told her because this is a private matter and is meant to be kept a secret.  she asked me point blank though and i was unprepared.  i struggled and refused to answer until she said “i didn’t realize we didn’t talk about sex?”  that was the secret phrase because then i confessed we’d done it monday when i was hammered.

i want to ask nick if we’re outright denying this.  i would be okay with that.  less drama that way.

however i don’t like lying.  i’m not like nick in that regard.  which now that i think about it he wouldn’t even think twice about denying it so maybe i should too?

so mill asked a direct question and i answered it honestly.  i could and should have told her to mind her own business.

i mocked one of nick’s female roommates last night.  i got into a power struggle with another.  the ugly one.  she doesn’t have much going for her so she has a nasty attitude to make up for it.  i won the power struggle of course.  i started it when i turned down the volume on the awful music she was playing.  she turned it up and kept her hand near the controls after that.  i tried to change the track hoping for a better song and she batted my hand away.  so i unplugged the stereo and walked away.

later that night she tried playing more awful music and turned it up loud and came into the living room where i was and looked at me expecting me to rise to her provocation.  i ignored her.

strange that i start and finish things but i don’t just let other people start them.  that goes against a common saying “i don’t start things i finish them.”  well i have the control to start things.  she didn’t have the power to start anything with me.

so overall last night was not awesome.  i regret telling mill i slept with nick.  may have some backlash for going up against the nasty attitude roommate.  she definitely won’t be liking me.  hopefully nick and the guy roommates defend me when i’m not there.  i have awesome parties.  i serve great food.  i am funny and know how to entertain.  they seem to like me.  i hope they really do.

the truth was i was at nick’s apartment all last night and we didn’t touch.  i am going to have to take the condoms out of my purse today.  makes me nervous for my upcoming birthday party.  i’d kind of like to get laid again although it only happens when i’m not expecting it.  my body was in prime condition last night very soft and smooth and i had on cute underwear.  i knew that meant i probably wasn’t going to be having sex.  i had sex with nick when i hadn’t shaved in two days, hadn’t done any personal grooming for two weeks, and was wearing the most awful plain white cotton panties.

i doubt i’ll be having sex the night of my birthday party.  we’ll see.  i won’t plan on it.