Perfectly Flawed

i don’t remember it hurting that much.  my 22 mile bike ride tonight was more challenging than last time.  i think it’s because i was hungover.  also the random three mile walk this morning to clear my head might have worn me out more than usual.

or maybe it was the night of sex with nick.

last night was the beer tour.  instead of the usual three or so it was our dozen which is now our eleven because nick’s brother is now single.

nick was grabbing for my attention.  even from the beginning.  i indulged him with smiles but didn’t really waste my time engaging him.  i planned on not getting drunk because the last few times i’ve been drinking things have gotten wild and i’ve ended up with a hangover.  the trouble is i’ve become friends with the guys on the beer tour.  so i got an extra ticket for two more free beers.  the guys gave me the two free beers without checking off my ticket.  then before i’d even finished my second beer they just poured me a third.  i really liked talking with them.  in fact when my friends left i stayed behind to keep drinking and talking and told my friends i would catch up.  so i didn’t plan on getting drunk but before i’d even left the brewery i’d had a little over six beers.  i walked downtown to the bar where our friends were.  then proceeded to drink.  bought a pitcher too.

so i got quite drunk indeed.  at one point a few of us decided we wanted to smoke.  then strangely enough we all decided to smoke.  all eleven of us none of which would be considered smokers.  i had a cigarette then a cigar.  it was an amusing sight to see all of us sitting outside drinking and smoking.

nick kept talking to me and looking at me and i kind of smiled at him but again didn’t really respond.  i confirmed with cage and her husband key that they would give me a ride home.  then nick announced he was going home however i was going home.  i think we ignored him just because of how random that statement was.  he said it again very clearly that he was riding with me.

fine whatever i thought there was room and he could be dropped off.  i was only naughty once when i walked behind him and trailed my fingers across his back.  it was a flirtatious move but i was quite drunk.  it was relatively innocent and didn’t mean much.

so the group broke up and we began to walk to key’s car.  i was drunk.  very drunk.  i took cage’s arm to steady me and nick’s arm as well.  for the entire walk to the car i was in between my two friends as they kept me from falling down.  i don’t remember much about what we talked about just that i occasionally laughed so hard my legs would go weak and it would only be cage and nick keeping me from going down in a fit of giggles.

we got in key’s car.  i was on one side and nick got close so he was more in the middle.  key and cage asked us where we were going and nick said to drop us off at his house.  i said that cage and key would drop nick off at his house then me at my house.  i insisted on this.  then nick put his hand on my leg.  he was soon rubbing my clit with a slow and steady pressure.  i put my hand on his inner thigh.  one time i gently stroked his hard cock through his pants but i mostly kept my hands off.

i don’t remember when or how we decided i was going to stay at nick’s house.  i was really drunk.  i think we tried to make some excuse.  we lied and said i would sleep on an absent roommate’s bed.  of course this made no sense since i didn’t have my car and my house was over twenty blocks away.  i vaguely remember key and cage being concerned about this decision.  i don’t think they endorsed it.  but when i got out of the car at nick’s house there wasn’t much room for argument.

i don’t really remember much about what happened next.  did we kiss once they left?  did i put my hand on his erection?  i remember walking very quietly into the basement and going to the bathroom.  when i came back to the room he’d taken off his slacks and dress shirt that he had still been wearing from his day at work.  he had on boxers and a t shirt.

i think i kissed him?

i crawled into his bed.  i think we made out then stripped clothes off.  i assume i asked if he had condoms?  i didn’t believe him when he’d said he had already put one on so i checked and could feel that indeed he had.  we had sex.  i do remember thinking about how it felt to finally have a cock in me again after four months.

all the details are blurry.  every time nick asked something challenging or confusing i would comment that i was really drunk.  he expressed a little concern and said if i was really drunk then i’d regret this in the morning.  i don’t remember what i said.

we chatted.  i put on his clothes and went to the bathroom.  i came back.  i think we might have cuddled.  i’m surprised by how little i remember.  we talked about who knew about us.  he said he hadn’t told anybody.  i said sam and jake knew.  i made the comment that it was unfortunate i was too drunk to know better in march and made out with him where our friends could spy on us.  i said that i was pretty sure they thought it was only a one night thing.  which of course it wasn’t.

at some point i started stroking nick again.  then i took off his clothes that i was wearing and told him to fuck me.  he said he didn’t have anymore condoms and i made fun of him.  i ridiculed him.  i called him an idiot and a fool.  then i made the comment that it was lucky i was smart and was on the pill.  i’m pretty sure i asked if he was clean but don’t remember the answer.  i think it might have been no.  so really i was stupid.  although since i consider him to be a liar it wouldn’t have mattered if the answer was yes.

i went down on him.  deep throated him.  i loved listening to him moan.  i can’t remember if he went down on me?  i kind of think he might have but i’m not sure.

while i enjoyed it the first time i don’t remember if i got off.  the second time was a little soon after the first and nick didn’t get off.  at some point i made the mistake of revealing that i liked to be dominated.  the second time we were fucking i was moaning.  i moaned a little louder and a little louder.  instead of telling me what to do instead of telling me to stop he put his hand tight over my mouth to stifle my moans.  i didn’t mind.  his brother was in the room next door and could probably hear us.

afterwards we talked a lot but i don’t remember everything we discussed.  i remember him saying the last time he had sex was in may.  did i ask him that?  maybe.  when i expressed the idiocy of not using condoms he asked if it made it any better that the other two girls had sex with were virgins.  i laughed and called him a liar.  for some random reason he talked about one of his roommates and how awesome she was.  i asked if he wanted to get with her.  he said he wouldn’t mind.  i made a sly comment about him wanting to fuck b.  he responded with hell no that b was ugly.  i was annoyed by his pattern of telling me what he thought i wanted to hear.

for some reason i don’t understand nick brought up last august.  it was almost twelve months ago that he and i watched two anime movies that wouldn’t appeal to most people.  he talked about how much fun he had with me.  i said i didn’t want to talk about last august.  i was starting grad school and had way too much going on to be able to deal with him at the time.  he chimed in with he was starting law school and had ended up trying to get back together with his ex girlfriend that fall.  i wish i had asked if he was talking about the girl all his best friends actively hate.  that would have been more than a little interesting.

we stayed up until 2 talking.  i would have liked to figure out what happened in may when he pissed me off so much it was easy to stop seeing him.  who knows.  nick said he thought i didn’t like him anymore.  i laughed at him and told him he would have to say something interesting if he wanted me to pay attention to him.

a little before 6 in the morning i was woken up by his snoring.  i couldn’t fall back asleep and instead watched the lightning and listened to the thunder.  there was a severe thunderstorm that night.  i thought about how i would slip away.  thought about doing it right then and there.  i just knew my clothes were everywhere and i needed to find them before i would go.  after a while his alarm went off.  i pretended i had just woken up.  he snuggled me then after a few minutes suggested we have a quickie before he had to get in the shower.  i pulled my shorts off and got on top of him.  he grabbed my ass and told me to slow down that he didn’t want to come too soon.  asked where i wanted him to come.  my poor booze and sex addled brain didn’t have a quick response.  normally i would have changed positions or given him clear instructions.  instead i told him i’d rather he didn’t come in me.  that it was okay if he did because i was on the pill but that i preferred he didn’t.  we flipped over and he came on my stomach.

i have mixed feelings.  i hate that i can’t trust him.  although i also appreciate having that knowledge because then i won’t get emotionally involved.  i feel like everything he tells me is a lie and is designed to manipulate.

i know we’ll have sex again.  i wouldn’t mind that.  wouldn’t mind fucking when i’m sober.  i’m worried about when someone better comes along and he drops me again.  as he’s done the last two times.  at least i’m not quite so naïve anymore.

no booty calls.